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| 12:37am 04/04/2006 |
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Well, it was kinda cold that night she stood alone on a balcony. She could hear the cars roll by out on the 441, like waves crashin on the beach AND FOR ONE DESPERATE MOMENT THERE HE CREPT BACK IN HER MEMORY, GOD its so painful something so close is still so far out of reach.
JESUS |
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| 12:34am 20/03/2006 |
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i am killing myself try to make decisions that deep down i know i'm never going to get to make |
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| 12:51am 01/03/2006 |
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I feel like march is going to be the crappy, overly stressful month it always is, despite spring break. which. will probably be crappy. i think mostly im ready to see my only 4 friends but theyre all going to be stumbling around new orleans together. if you SAY something you need to ya know... oh maybe back it up? like, when samantha in american girls had to make that sampler that said "actions speak louder than words" take a page outta that book. but seriously why would it say that? either way, im going out on a limb and being straightforward, so if you SAY to someone that they are one of your only real friends at school and most people arent going to be in your life that long.. then my big question is: then why do you put them so far above me? i guess the assumption is that no matter how much you ignore me here, at home we will be bf4e. i guess that's a safe bet but like.. thats so CRAPPY. If i say, i don't want to lose my best friend and you say that won't happen, i feel better for the second but then im like how are you PREVENTING that. like.. the only thing is that im clingy. maybe this is only bothering me because im getting my period in like a day, that is what i tell myself even if its 28 days away. either way, i feel like everything is crashing down to my feet.. especially because theres a show on tlc this weekend about a family of little people. :\ |
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| She has trouble acting normal when she's nervous |
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| 12:58am 09/02/2006 |
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I guess it's pretty selfish of me and CLEARLY i live in the past, but i can't help the feeling in my gut when something is about me. I've also always had trouble figuring out if someone's actually sincere or if theyre just being sarcastic. I don't know if it has to do with the fact that i'm easily annoyed, easily offended, almost impossible to please, petty, snobby, defensive and even though i know all this it comes out even more if someone isn't fascinated by me. That is the definition of self centered. What the hell? i'm not sure, but maybe it has something to do with the fact that up until july i hadn't really felt anything since i was in the Academy. Round Here is so stupidly ridiculously good. |
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| 01:30am 10/01/2006 |
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i think my biggest problem is that i know every single detail of everything i want in my life for the next like... atleast 15 years, there is absolutely no confusion but i don't have and don't really see myself getting ANY of it |
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| 11:40pm 22/12/2005 |
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why am i so incabable of responding to something TOTALLY normal and acceptable in a normal acceptable rational way. |
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| 02:35am 17/11/2005 |
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Write ten things in no particular order that make you happy and tag five others:
1. The beach
2. The Anniversary and/or Coldplay or the Counting Crows. and maybe something corporate...
3. nice kisses
4. pictures
5. driving
6. taking walks
7. Not another teen movie
8. nice phone conversations
9. Christmas
10. bunnies
I am TAGGING: Colleen AND julie white, nora keefe, mary dolan, and kate clayborne ;) |
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| 09:49pm 14/11/2005 |
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i have always been 102% okay and i should be right now and there is no reason for me to not be. i am done and i am not crying about this again. |
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| 12:23am 06/10/2005 |
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The fall is always me at my worst. I guess i didn't really think about it last year so i guess it just kind of blew over and i figured i was a normal person. because EVERYONE loves the fall. what the hell? i guess it comes down to that im always pissed off and im always upset about the same stupid thing with that one slight difference. every.year. i feel like i am the most typical person ever to everyone else. I DO KNOW WHY I GET UPSET ABOUT THINGS. i hate when people try to analyze me or figure out what whoever or whatever, which will remain nameless, is wrong. i know. i think that should be enough and i dont understand why it never is. the same shitty events repeat over and over in my life. different names, sometimes different places.. but there is ALWAYS the same stupid thing that is better than me. and it drives me crazy and it kills me. that stupid thing makes me feel so worthless and i think thats why i dont even like it. i dont understand how a PERSON how somebody who can genuinely care about you and be there for you and love you as much as they can is not good enough but something so crappy and fake and cold can replace them in one second. everyone lies to me and tells me how important i am to them, how i mean so much, but you know what i think it would just be a lot easier for me to believe it if the SLIGHTEST hint of effort was there. if im such a good friend, then why is someone a crappy friend to me. and this is not everyone, its just unfortunate that it controls my mood. i think i need a lot of time to myself and i think that i really really need anything different. |
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| thank god i am going home friday |
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| 12:13am 05/10/2005 |
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mood:  discontent
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I don't know how it's become such a problem, keep you up all night if i try to remain calm. how can they ask why i feel so angry? do you see my problem if i never explain it? but then theres you, asking me how long, say something, it's takin me so long. |
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| 11:47pm 30/09/2005 |
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i hate college so stupid much and i really really really just want to go home |
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| 01:11am 06/09/2005 |
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It takes someone very bold to proclaim a very high sense of morals, specifically against lying and then to blow that all apart. I think that it was bad enough that I was basically lied to, or atleast i didn't know the truth for longer than i should have.. but to outright LIE to your friends when all you preach about is honesty? that sucks. pretty much, that means nothing you've ever said has any meaning because the one thing that was alway put up on a pedastal, truth, has suddenly been knocked off. what am i supposed to belive from then? like i feel like one of the most important periods in my life means nothing because someone was so quick to lie so they looked like the person they wanted to be. i guess i've been kind of crappy too because some of the nicest people ive met i've spent the past like 6 months talking about and hating. but then again i didn't lie about who betrayed who? and baby this is the last honest love i'll ever give. |
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| 10:35pm 25/08/2005 |
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i hate when people are really fucking retarded |
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| 11:23am 07/07/2005 |
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I can't be sure i'm truly another year older each year until i get the annual uti ;) |
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| 01:01am 18/06/2005 |
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I know there is really no cause for concern because i'm doing great and whatnot, but still. you have to wonder in one tiny little part of your brain, what the fuck? i could and pretty much am basically doing the same old trash i was doing and nothing i'm thinking is really anything against anyone. but for the millionth time still you have to wonder what and why and where you fell short of whatever standard you thought you had met or you maybe didnt even know existed. maybe it's just late, and being up late drives me nuts and always has. maybe i should have done a lot more to get away and a lot more looking outside of everything i've ever known and thought of but STILL STILL STILL you have to wonder what the fuck. |
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| i got a newwwwww belt today |
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| 11:59pm 06/06/2005 |
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So it's finally summer after that awful freezing tundra finally melted. which is great because summer is my favorite season, and this one has been fun it might actually compare to.... ashley knows what. anyways graduation is in like 5 minutes, im not really too excited nervous or anything. i hope its not too long though, everyones graduation parties are fun and i'm excited for the 9000 on saturday, and everyone is invited to mine sunday! lately everyone has been exceptionally nice and fun and im PRETTY SURE im getting my hair cut and dyed on wednesday. so theyll make it look nice for me for that night. if anyone has any suggestions on where to go, it would be greatly appreciated. my new goal is to be DIRECT and TO THE POINT on livejournal because i feel like i have a lot less to be vague about. FINALLY, lakes are actually a lot funner than i thought. ;) |
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| and i meant every word i said, when i said that i loved you, i meant that i'd love you forever |
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| 02:15pm 19/05/2005 |
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I feel like this week has been very snippy snappy. My mood has been seriously lacking and i guess for really no reason except EVERYTHING bothers me. maybe i'm more concerned with things ending starting continuing or anything than i realized but i really am sorry because i know how mean i've been this week and it really is only because for some reason one word can make me flip out. why? nobody knowssss, but also everything changes around me and i never notice and maybe its because i am stuck so long ago? ;) ;) i somehow remember everything about 2 or 3 years ago but i feel like nothing happened to me, it was just something somebody told me and everything reminds me of something else and i can never just do something new. either way, i a) want to go to the maze, b) want to go the beach, c) want to go to wright's chicken farm, d) want to go to the drive-ins. :) |
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five_for_silver's journal
stressed